Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
