I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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