You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His hands were made for my vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
