Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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