I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
