I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need water and some morals
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
