He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A+ Viking dick
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