Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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