im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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