Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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