If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
