Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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