You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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