At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
