I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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