i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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