Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
