A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
