BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My breasts were aching with rage.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
