My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
