Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
