I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
