yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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