I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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