I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
