i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize