I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize