I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i believe in u and ur pee
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