i just wanna soil my oats bro
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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