Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
