my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize