Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
