I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
