last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
