Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
