we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize