I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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