Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I skipped work to stalk him.
she peed on how many people?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
