Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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