Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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