Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
