swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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