Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
