Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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