you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize