hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
