it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
