I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Boobs speak an international language.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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