What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
