Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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