Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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