If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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