A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
