i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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