I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize