life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
