Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
