Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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