Please, let me fuck your mom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
