So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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