margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
