I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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