Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
