Sponge bath it is.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
