How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
