Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
