It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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