i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
