you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
