You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
