Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize