So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
