Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
