Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
