Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
