In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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