i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
