Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
