Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
