are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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