On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
