But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
