i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
