Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
