"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
