So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
