He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
