You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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