I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
