I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
