You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are two peas in an std pod
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
