What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
