she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
