You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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