Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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