Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you never un-have a 4some
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
