look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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