i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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