I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
