please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
