I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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