So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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