its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
